The 30 Weeks That Will Change My Life

Tomorrow, I will embark on a journey throughout the remainder of 2011 that will utterly transform who I am now to who I will be on January 1, 2012. No, I am not joining a cult. I am not following a reading plan in an inspirational book. I am doing something that I have decided will be not only beneficial for myself but downright life-changing. I am going to become a new me.

I have been fascinated with the idea of self-improvement for the past couple of years. I have been relentlessly reading books and blogs on self-help, entrepreneurship, sales, communication, and relationships--all the the intent on changing. I want to be more trust worthy, more proactive, more empathetic, and so on. There are characteristics like these that I value but do not see in myself to the extent that I wish to. Years ago, I started wanting to change. But here I am two years, 40 books, and thousands of blog posts later--still the same me.

Currently, I am reading simultaneously "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey and "The 25 Sales Secrets of Highly Successful Salespeople" by Stephan Schiffman. Both of these books focus on personal development. But, in reading them, I've realized that my approach up until now has been almost entirely ineffective. These books emphasize habits and behaviors. These are things that you do to improve who you are. Yesterday, I had an epiphany. It isn't enough to have the desire for improvement. I can't simply decide to be a better person. I become a better person by doing better things--engaging in better behaviors. If I can improve my practice, I can improve my person.

I've heard (and I realize there may or may not be statistical validity to this number) that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. Now, most people use this plan as a way to stop chewing their fingernails, to stop smoking, to start an exercise routine, or to read more consistently. But I am going to take this concept and apply it to the development of my personality. It just so happens that, beginning tomorrow, June 5, 2011, there are exactly 210 days remaining in 2011: that's 10 blocks of 21 days. Yesterday, I sat down with someone very close to me and asked that person to help me come up with 10 bad habits that contribute to my character flaws. As I developed this list, I realized that these behaviors are at the root of my inability to progress. These poor activities define who I am and why I cannot change. It has had nothing to do with my intentions. It has had everything to do with my behavior.

Below is the list of my bad habits, what I intend to do to change them, and the character I intend to develop as a result. I am planning to take each habit and focus on it exclusively for 21 days. After I have every minute of every day focused on breaking free from this negative behavior for 21 days, the theory goes, I will have turned that bad habit into a good habit and I will not have to consciously work to improve myself in that aspect of my character. The below list is going to make me vulnerable, but that's okay, because it will as a result make me accountable. Besides, maybe you have similar habit. Perhaps you can benefit by my own cleverly-devised self-help plan. Perhaps there is something you are doing that can be changed in order to become the person you want to be. Perhaps. But, without further ado, here is my plan.

1. June 5, 2011 - June 25, 2011

• My Bad Habit: Sometimes, when I am speaking with people, I don't listen to them--or at I at least give them that impression. I break eye contact. Sometimes, I even yawn! When I do respond, I change the subject. I take the conversation from what they are talking about to what I want to talk about. I interrupt. I make irrelevant comments. I make the conversation about me.


• What I Will Do Differently: I will maintain eye contact with people. I will not yawn. I will not interrupt. I will insist on not saying anything until there is at least a 2-3 second break in what the other person is saying. When I respond, I will keep the conversation focused on what they are talking about. I will paraphrase. I will ask relevant questions that probe them to go on. I will make the conversation about the other person.


• How I Will Improve: I will become a better listener, a better conversationalist, and a better communicator. People will want to talk to me and will value my opinion. I will become more empathetic as I seek to understand and care about what other people are saying instead of what I want to say in response.

2. June 26, 2011 - July 16, 2011

• My Bad Habit: I am saracastic in all of my conversations. I always have something tongue-in-cheek to say. Sometimes it's funny but, more often than not, it damages my credibility. People never know when I'm serious. I never know when I'm serious. I'm always making a joke. I joke around so much that I don't take anything seriously.


• What I Will Do Differently: I will limit myself to 5 jokes a day, 5 saracastic comments. I will force myself to use them sparingly for only the most fitting occasions. I will use a joke to break uncomfortable tension but, for the most part, I will be serious in what I say.


• How I Will Improve: I will be taken more seriously. I will take myself more seriously. I will no longer be perceived as a clown but rather as someone who truly cares. Other people will see that I value them because I take them more seriously and I will become more trusting of myself as I take myself more seriously.

3. July 17, 2011 - August 6, 2011

• My Bad Habit: I am argumentative. I always have clever, combatitive retort to everything people say to me. Even if I don't really disagree, I find some way that they can be wrong and point it out to them in an "Aha!" sort of fashion. I think that I just enjoy the ensuing discussion and dialogue but the other person perceives me as being disagreeable. They don't see it as discussing; they see it as fighting. They think that everything they say to me, then, will be wrong in my eyes.


• What I Will Do Differently: I will not aruge. I will not disagree. I will listen to what the other person is saying without criticizing it. I will then validate their opinion rather than pointing out the flaws in it. I will tell them why they are right rather than why they are wrong. If I offer my opinion, I will offer it as an addition to theirs. I will only contribute--only offer opinions that build on their arguments rather than opinions that destroy them.


• How I Will Improve: I will become a more agreeable person. I will be seen as more open-minded, more willing to understand and accept the viewpoints of others. People will trust me with what they have to say because they will not that I will not pick it apart.

4. August 7, 2011 - August 27, 2011

• My Bad Habit: When I don't feel like doing something, I will not only refrain from doing it but will justify my laziness by arguing that it isn't important. When I do this with people, I send the signal that if it isn't important to me, then it isn't important at all. I won't do things unless I see the immediate benefit for me. I am lazy and only selectively, selfishly, hard-working.


• What I Will Do Differently: I will do whatever people ask me to do (within reason), regardless of how it benefits me. I will not try to come up with a reason why I shouldn't do it. I will fulfill the person's request because they asked--because it is clearly important to that person that task get done.


• How I Will Improve: I will be more helpful and less selfish. I will be seen as a valuable resource for other people. I will develop an interest in what other people care about in addition to what I care about.

5. August 28, 2011 - September 17, 2011

• My Bad Habit: I think about too many things at once. I try to "mult-task" but end up being ineffective at everything I'm doing. I am always thinking--thinking about lunch, thinking about my blog, thinking about my future, thinking about my vacation, thinking about the book I'm reading, thinking about cars, and so on. I'm always thinking about something other than what I'm doing. I never focus exclusively on the task at hand.


• What I Will Do Differently: I will focus exclusively on the task at hand. I will not actively thinking about anything other than what I am doing. I will be in the moment. If I happen to think about something not presently relevant, I will make a note, forget about it, and move on.


• How I Will Improve: I will be more focused and less scatter-brained. I will not be as absent-minded and clueless as I presently come off to be. I will be seen as and feel more organized, controlled, and disciplined.

6. September 18, 2011 - October 8, 2011

• My Bad Habit: I am inconsistent. I will adamantly decide to do something one week and will let it fall by the wayside the next week. I will pick up a new interest about which I am passionately convicted and then will lose it abruptly. I can never seem to make up my mind.


• What I Will Do Differently: This one is tricky, because most of the things about which I am inconsistent are more long term. However, I will keep at the forefront of my mind the things that I have said to other people, the opinions I have expressed, and the convictions that I have held. I will nurture these things. I will continue to immerse myself in them and, if I change my mind about them, I will have a very good reason.


• How I Will Improve: I will become more consistent. I will not change my mind unless I have good reason. I will not perceived as whimsical or flighty. I will be more trustworthy and credible because there will be more concrete definition in my interests, convictions, and commitments.

7. October 9, 2011 - October 29, 2011

• My Bad Habit: I am forgetful. I make promises and commitments that I do not keep simply because I do not remember them. I make statements that I will later not remember that I made. I will do things or see things that I later don't remember having done or seen. I appear to others not to care, because I have a terrible memory.


• What I Will Do Differently: I will take notes religiously. Everytime I say something, do something, or observe something, I will make a note of it. Every hour, on the hour, I will review my notes from the past hour.


• How I Will Improve: I will become more organized. I will appear to others to care more deeply about what I do, see, and say. I will be more consistent and trustworthy because I will begin following through on the commitments I actually remember that I made. I will be more reliable because I will do the things that I say I will do when I actually remember them.

8. October 30, 2011 - November 19, 2011

• My Bad Habit: I am incredibly impulsive. I make rash decisions, especially financially but also in other ways. I eat ravenously when I'm bored without thinking about the crap I am putting into my body. I will sometimes blurt out something inappropriate without thinking. I have no inhibitions. I act without pausing to reflect whether my actions will be positive in the long run.


• What I Will Do Differently: I will not buy anything unplanned without mulling it over for at least 24 hours. I will not say anything without thinking for about 5 seconds before saying it. I will not eat without thinking about what I've already had to eat and what I plan on having later. In everything, I will try to show reservation and discretion before action.


• How I Will Improve: I will be a better decision-maker. I won't make stupid, costly choices, because I will have weighed out the pros and cons before making them. I will be more disciplined, because I won't be acting capriciously. I will do things because I have logically concluded that they are reasonable things to do.

9. November 20, 2011 - December 10, 2011

• My Bad Habit: I am annoying. I bug people. I ask questions just to get on their nerves. I say things that have no purpose, are irrelevant, or simply don't make any sense just to provoke people. I pepper people with questions when I don't really care about the answers. I just want to make them uncomfortable.


• What I Will Do Differently: I will not ask a question of someone unless I really want to know the answer. I will steer clear of random comments, of provocative hypotheticals, and of non-sensical dialogue. I will not try, on purpose, to annoy people.


• How I Will Improve: I will be less annoying. The smart, helpful things I say will be perceived as more valuable because they won't be muddled without all of the stupid, senseless things I say. People will enjoy conversing with me more, because I will not have it as my goal to get under their skin.

10. December 11, 2011 - December 31, 2011

• My Bad Habit: I have trouble speaking my mind with people whom I perceive as being more important than me. Whether it be a boss, a highly successful co-worker, a professor, a business leader, someone from church, even a customer, I cannot communicate effectively with people that appear to be more successful or well-off than I am. This is a confidence issue--a self-image issue. I don't think enough of myself. The problem is that, if I am going to be successful, I must dialogue with people--be they bosses, teachers, or customers--that I see as more successful than me. I need a deeper, more consistent level of confidence.


• What I Will Do Differently: I will attempt to have at least one conversation per day with someone that I am typically afraid to converse with. I will talk to important bosses, important customers, important college professors, important family members. If I am uncomfortable or scared to initiate a conversation with any particular person, I will make it a point to speak with that person.


• How I Will Improve: Chances are, these people are not as important as I am making them out to be and I am more important than I am making myself out to be. As I open up and talk to important people, I will begin to see that they are really not so different. I will develop the confidence and courage necessary to confront and convese with higher-ups. I will become socially fearless.

There you have it. My cards are on the table. I've spilled the beans. My plan is laid out for all to see. If I have actually followed through with this plan, let me ask you, how is it possible that I will not become a better person by January 1, 2012? How will I not change? How will I not grow? I will I not become the person I want to be? Can you even imagine me being the same old me? Because I can't.

Tomorrow begins the 30 weeks that will change my life. And I would like to issue a challenge for you to join me. No, you may not have the same bad habits. You may not even have as many as I do. So you have 5? Become a new you by September 17 of this year! Whatever your habits, your detrimental behaviors, are and however many you have, do this with me! Take three weeks, 21 days, at a time, and work singularly on each habit. I challenge you to do this seriously and consistently. You will indefinitely become a better person. You will improve. Join me, and change your life.