Wednesday, April 20, 2011

How to Become a Better You

How do you become a better person? How do you develop personality traits in yourself? How do you become more confident, more patient, more encouraging, more influential, more wise, more of the you that you want to be? As of late, I've really gotten into self-help and personal development literature. It seems like everyone's got an idea about how to grow. I find it difficult, though, to implement those ideas sometimes. I try so hard to become the person I visualize but it's like I'm running on a treadmill. How can I change? How can I grow? How can I become a better me?

I read a post recently by Anthony Iannarino on "to-don't" lists, things that we should make it a point NOT to do. Anthony listed 15 things that we might want to stop doing. One that really hit home was "don't hit snooze." While I agreed with everything on the list, many of the things are not really items that belong on a checklist. Many, like "don't stop learning" and "don't forget to be human" are difficult to put directly into practice. You can try to learn more or try to be more human, but how do you know you are making any progress? For items of a more qualitative nature,I suggest an alternative.

Some things can only be achieved as outcomes of other things. It's hard to simply decide to be more persuasive, passionate, friendly, outgoing, knowledgeable, etc. These characteristics come as results of more measurable behaviors. I become more persuasive by committing to practice a presentation three times before giving it. I become more knowledgeable by committing to read at least 1 hour per day. These are things that can be quantified--things that can be checked off. I can't check off whether I've become smarter or more prepared, but I can check of how many hours I've spent or how many times I've practiced.

How do I develop traits that I wish to see in myself? I keep what I call a commitment journal. Each week, I write down specific, quantifiable commitments that I hold myself accountable to keeping. They can involve developing desirable characteristics related to my religious devotion, my business acumen, my people skills, and so on. But my one rule for the commitments I make is that THEY MUST BE MEASURABLE! You see, I've tried to commit to becoming a better husband, a better salesperson, a better student, etc., but it just doesn't work. I can't become a better person without doing things that make me a better person. I can do the dishes for my wife. I can make 'x' number of phone calls at work. I can spend 'x' amount of hours per week reading the textbook. I can't simply choose to be a better person but, if I make quantifiable commitments and keep them, I will become a better person without even knowing it.

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